Mike and Dave

Here's an excerpt of a Saturday phone conversation between Mike and his cousin Dave Salfino (transcript courtesy of The Bush Administration):

Mike: So if I catch the Redskins, I'm done for the weekend. But if I lose, I'm looking at the Bengals tomorrow.

Dave: Why is that?

Mike: It's simple math. If you bet two games, what's the most likely thing to happen? 1-1. The least likely? 0-2 or 2-0. So, if you go 1-0, why go on in the face of that headwind? If you go 0-1, why not get the tailwind into probability with a second game?

Dave: 'It's simple math.' Is that what you tell Cath when you go 0-2? Here's some advice: try it on the credit card companies first.

Mike: It's not even gambling, really. It's all about probability.

Dave (singing): 'The Desert Inn has heart'... 'The Desert Inn has heart.' (Fans of Albert Brooks and 'Lost in America' need no explanation.)

Mike: Are you watching right now?

Dave: Yep.

Mike: This is the stupidest commercial ever. It's so stupid, I'm embarrassed for it. What were they thinking? 'We're going to have the Patriots draft, are you ready? Hold on to your ass otherwise you're going to laugh it right off, really. Okay. Ready? A Pepsi machine!! We're going to have the Pepsi machine wear a little jersey and practice at training camp and then catch a TD pass in its cute little soda mouth.' Hy-friggin-sterical.

Dave: That is stupid. But the worst commerical is the fat bastard singing the Dukes of Hazzard theme song along with his phone.

Mike: That song he sings is the Dukes of Hazzard theme song?

Dave: Well, I don't know if it is, but it should be. We do know it's his personal theme song. I'm like, 'Bro', you're fat and ugly. You don't have a theme song.'