The Dead Zone

Sometimes, it sucks being right. Now, not only did the first game blow, but there's 45 minutes to kill between games.

Let's see what's on these 700 channels....

"World's Strongest Man Competition" on ESPN Classic. Some steriod case walking around a circle moving moving a crate of boulders with some watch dial-like tripod contraption. Screw him. I'll kick his ass. The winner walked around for 84 meters by the way. Is this really classic programming? Was the 2001 competition one for the ages?

Giants press conference on the NFL Network. "We didn't play well," says Coughlin. Then, he spins the season as all warm and happy. Thanks for nothing, Tom, before, during and after the game.

"$100 K Chicken Challenge" on Food Network. They're announcing the winner. Some decent looking chick from Indiana with some kebob-like thing. "Mahogany Broiled Chicken with smokey lime sweet potatoes." I think it was the cleavage she showed while preparing the dish.

"100 Sexiest Celebrities" on E. Colin Ferrell. Punk.

"Megastructures" on National Geographic. World's largest plane, the Airbus. Didn't Howard Hughes do this 60 years ago or was Scorcese pulling our leg?

"Sex Change" on Discovery Health. That's what they should do with the losers of these playoff games, just so we're sure the players leave it all on the field.

"The Sphinx Unmasked," already saw it with my daughter.

"The 160 Pound Tumor" is something I could get into. But it's not the girl that was on My Yahoo! page for about three weeks over the holidays. This one, you can't even see. Sorry, I need the freak factor to stick with something like this. Okay, they just showed someone with a 200-pound tumor and it is freak city. So, we'll give this a couple of minutes.... OH ... MY ... GOD!! She looks totally normal from the chest up and then like something Stan Winston created from the waist down. That was worthwhile after all.

Animal Planet has those slobs that contest eat and call themselves athletes (except for the Asian people, who know that being fat stops the stomach from expanding enough). The Shrew is the No. 1 eater on the planet, by the way. It eats 24 hours a day because it's so small that it loses heat incredibly fast and most keep consuming calories around the clock.

"Mars Rocks" about the Mars Rover mission. Saw it. Mars is one of the lesser interesting things about the universe. It would be like probing your next door neighbor just because he's next door. It is more interesting than the moon, which is only interesting in how it was formed (a massive meteor hit earth and sent a chunk of the planet into space; all part of God's intelligent design).

"The Fabulous Life Celebrity Wives." Nicholas Cage chartered a helicopter, whisked his latest bride away to the Grand Canyon and got her home before 11 p.m. (she was 19 with a curfew; she was also a sushi waitress). Before knowing this, I sort of liked Nicholas Cage.

"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." Liked it but had to defend it to the wife, who hates every movie told out of sequence.

"Envy." How could Jack Black and Ben Stiller go so wrong? (Actually, Ben Stiller makes one mediocre to bad movie after another.)

"Hellraiser: Bloodlines." The first one was okay, but the whole thing seemed very gay even before I knew Clive Barker was gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

"Hamburger America." A documentary about variations of the classic sandwich. I could dig that. I love a great cheeseburger (I grind my meat myself so I can cook it medium rare without worrying about food poisoning). But it's over, so I'll have to Tivo it another time. And it's also 4:24. Not a bad way to kill some time.